Hazards of Being a Nice Girl
I’ve always prized myself that I’m a nice girl. Yep, that’s right --- a nice girl --- steady, reliable, defender of the underdog, restrain the roar from within --- nice girl. Don’t misunderstand. The other side is just below the surface, awaiting permission to emerge with a vengeance, but it’s often beaten into submission. But I have to admit --- it’s become exhausting nurturing this persona of nicety, knowing what lies beneath. There are definite hazards to being known as the ‘nice girl’.
You are often taken advantage of because everyone knows you are the softy, quick to forgive, and always aiming for reconciliation. You see even if that lion beneath the surface roars its ugly head, it’s quickly replaced with forgiveness and resolution because peace is the ultimate goal. And everyone close to you knows this and uses it as leverage.
In order to survive the nice girl image, you must excel in suppressing emotion --- especially hurt, despair, and anger! Everyone is counting on you to let it go. Key in --- theme song to Disney movie Frozen. You pay the price because all that stuffing has to go somewhere --- it is stored within --- killing you from the inside out.
Slowly, it becomes your identity. You didn’t mean for it to, but it crept in and left you stunned at how much this characteristic matters. When you allow the beast within to show itself to the world, you are surprised at the audacity of others to boldly proclaim, “You aren’t so nice after all”. And boy, does your ego take a crushing blow for you have wrapped yourself so carefully in nicety because that’s what people celebrate and appreciate about you (or so you have convinced yourself).
The discontent within brews a concoction of self-combustion. All that you have stuffed will eventually come out! The ugliness, viciousness, and anger spewed will be a rude awakening to all bystanders that all wasn’t as it seemed. Or if you choose to continue to suppress, you will spiral into further depression because your soul can’t carry the burden. You pay the price for deceiving yourself into believing all is well when it most certainly is not.
When you tentatively begin to voice that which you’ve hidden, your tribe might tend to become annoyed because they are conditioned to act in a way that depends on your nicety. This hurts because it solidifies the false notion that you will only be appreciated if you are a ‘Yes Woman’.
These are the real life hazards of portraying a ‘nice girl’ persona my whole life. Yes, that lion beneath the surface attempts to rear its head at times but has remained quite tame. However, as often is the case, the caged beast must fulfill two different destinies --- die or fight.
Personally, fighting this nice girl image is where I currently reside. How do I knock down this representation without feeling I’m losing a piece of myself? The fallacy that Christians are nice has always convicted me when the desire to break free arose. I’ve correlated being nice so closely with who I am as a follower of Christ that I’ve deceived myself into thinking they are one and the same.
Just maybe, a lesson in terminology is necessary. Let’s face it --- being nice is not a fruit of the spirit --- but kindness is. Hmmm. Could we conclude that “Being Nice” is an outward behavior that may not accurately reflect what is on the inside? Quite possibly, being nice is more an image we rely on to appease others and falsify that all is well. We can be nice to those around us without ever resolving underlying issues that are demanding attention and proper boundaries. Being nice feeds your need to please others and to be likable by all. For myself, I believe I’ve been so distracted by the desire to be labeled nice that I’ve missed the deeper meaning of the word kindness and why it is considered a fruit of the spirit and nicety isn’t.
One of my millennial friends defined kindness as a state of being. You see kindness is nurtured within through relying and abiding with our Creator and Restorer, slowly developing fruit that can be used to nourish another. Life is renewed and made better because of kindness as it bears the fruit of love, empathy, compassion, self-sacrifice for another, and tenderness.
As the days unfold in my near future, I’m going to be asking myself if I’m being kind or nice because there is a huge difference --- it largely comes down to motive. One is attempting to display an outward behavior that will cause acceptable and desired outcome in the actions of others. The other one is a disposition nurtured by the Creator Himself within; speaking love, compassion, and generosity into your innermost being so you have no other option than to allow it to ooze from your being --- you have become a conduit for a fruit of the spirit that blesses not only yourself but those around you.
Here’s the challenge --- throw off your ‘nice girl’ image and instead till the garden of your mind with kindness, a state of being --- not dependent on anyone else’s actions or words, resting solely on the Master Gardener’s presence.
Say goodbye to the Nice Girl persona and hello to the woman being groomed for a state of being called kindness!
PS --- This could have just as easily been titled Hazards of a Nice Guy; principles still ring true!
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